Where is the love?

You will never get to know a person once you got to talk to him, in-which-ever-way-possible. You discover things unimaginable out of that conversation alone, perfectly registered in the core of my mind. I have had my fair share of being bad, being spiteful to somebody, maybe. Had I become the center of their hateness, had I become the one person they wished if they have the ability to let me vanish, they would, but who knows.

Over and over, I bump into people whom in a short of a time become friends and then gone, or a long time friend for that matter. I remember this guy, he never call new friends friends, only acquaintances. Maybe he has his reasons, whatever it was, I don’t know.

The meanness in us apparently becomes apparent without us knowing it, which sometimes makes us indefinite, implied kind of menace to other people. You showed compassion, you utter words of love, you care, but in a sincere way of saying and doing it. It is so much hard to believe, and you question yourself why. How can one do such a harsh thing without ever thinking? How can one sleep soundly at night, peace and quiet?

I didn’t really understand why people can be very meaningless at times, and like vultures taking advantage of their prey. I always think of it as a senseless impulse as opposed to consciously doing it. If I were that person, no matter how much pain I would have to bear to, I would easily crawl myself out of the relationship if I had to. Trust my word for it. I could hardly stick to something and make the situation even worst than I already expected it to be. And I wouldn't have to explain why I was in such a hurry to leave the relationship. No matter how much I cried myself to sleep over that person. I am just not that forgiving as the others can be?

Until such time, we could never feel relief, a relief that will come from the very core of our being, and then finally say we believe, we believe every words coming out from his mouth, every actions, every hands he’s laid on you, and every hugged he shared with you….still, it doesn’t change anything!

How lucky that I am alone!

We can’t all be saints and martyrs!

The circle of life...

It had been months since my last update, and all throughout those months, I have wanted to write my thoughts, like really write write every single moment of my life on a personal note. But I felt like these days I was always in a hurry, as if rushing would somehow make my days and nights pass more quickly more than it should have been.

I didn’t have the time to really sit down and reflect to a lot of issues I could have been facing, I was losing track. At that time it’s like that didn’t matter. I used to be a control freak, like everything I do must be planned. All that was somehow gone, and let the spur of the moment took over everything in me.

Honestly, I actually liked it. I realized that sometimes it’s ok to let loose and not be a control freak. I realized that it’s alright to enjoy and have fun, that it’s ok to do a couple of things that I haven’t really done before. I have always been a happy person, and I carried that happiness with me like an aura, sharing it with whoever was near me, although sometimes the emotional side of me balances things up.

It had been a while since I’d really thought about what I was doing was good for me or not at all besides the excitement and the pleasure. It felt right and also very wrong at the same time. I was sure that I’m having fun, blocking the negatives issues that somehow blur my way. I would have thought there was nothing in that to disturb me.

But the one thing I can assure is that my life did not stray to what really is my priority in life. I let them say what they want to say about me, I still think that when I glanced myself in front of the mirror, I could still see the same me from the very core of my being as opposed to some who said that I have changed. It would be much too hard to explain but I know myself more than anyone else, and I know my limitations. I wouldn’t have to explain to anyone why, I know when to say it’s enough, and I know when to protect myself.

I am lucky to have met a few friends who stick by me, whatever happens, and who knows when and how to enjoy life. I felt a rush of thankfulness as I realized that, and to those who think that I have changed and it bothers them big time, I’m sorry you see me that way, this is just me, whether you like it or not.

Time continued to move too fast, during the couple of months a lot has happened and will happen.

Right now, I have been enjoying my one week leave. YAY!

I Invoke Thee....

I have said this before, and I’m gonna say it again, I have the ability to evoke emotions given a certain situation, and when a simple truth is slapped into their faces, the reactions are intriguing. Why does it have to be me, all the time? Is it because of my being forthcoming? Or maybe everyone is having a bad day, and the timing is off? Or maybe we have suffered a lot in our personal lives and we have had enough of it already?

For sure there is suffering everywhere. This has been so since time immemorial. But don’t put a blame on me. Like what has been said, we are who we are, and we become the person that we are partly because of what we have done in the past. The key here is acceptance, we must accept and embrace life and all its letdowns, because the moment we accept it, then we liberate ourselves from anything. It may take a while to accept it, but in the end, when we accommodate it as part of our existence, we can live with it better until it doesn’t feel like it anymore.

What makes it interesting is that we are definitely humans who not only have limits but imperfections as well. Being the person that I am and who I am is something that I got used to. True to say that my friends should get to used to as well, and they must know me by now. The mere fact that we are here for almost a decade, as friends. As much as we wish to deny it, on this level, we just can’t, we have shared so many ups and so many downs that a simple setback couldn’t come between the friendship that has developed with time, no dividing or separating, no rejecting but accepting of our imperfections.

It maybe easy to say I’m sorry, but if the sorry uttered is sweet and true, and if “sorry” will be the only word to ease the pain then we say it, we say it with all our might knowing that the person who heard it appeased. But, let’s make it sure that this doesn’t have to be a recurring excuse…I mean, say sorry all the time. We just have to be careful not to discuss any sensitive issues anymore – not even in a whisper.

I am 32 years old, and everything that I have been thru is a part of my human experience.

I contemplate.

To end, I’d like to leave you with this. The people whom you will come to love in your life will disappoint you; sometimes they will break your heart. But I can assure you that one day you’ll find yourself falling in love again.

Movies i liked...

There are movies we watched that made us feel human because it moved us while we immersed ourselves through it. There are movies that we like and dislike. Movies we simply devoured ourselves with the ones that catches our attention. Movies we can relate to, one way or another. Movies that eventually became a love hate relationship in us, we watch them again and again and then we don’t.

I must admit, there are times when I rarely watch any movies, it’s unpredictable.

But one of the things that I am proud of and claim responsibility for is that, over the years I have collected a bunch of movies to my liking, ranging from action, comedy, drama, sci-fiction, suspense-thriller, and love story. It is being well-kept. Like a priceless possession it is something that I could get back to someday.

A friend, who had the same passion as mine or maybe more, once told me that his collection may outlive him. We also have this habit of reading the review of the movie at wikipedia; if it does have a positive review from critics then we watch it. This is how we gauge the movies that I watch.

Recently, I have added a few very interesting movies to my collection with superb stories, plot and twist in the end you wouldn’t expect.

TWILIGHT

Twilight is a 2008 American romantic-fantasy film directed by Catherine Hardwicke and based on the novel of the same name by Stephenie Meyer. The film stars Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan, a teenage girl who falls in love with vampire Edward Cullen, portrayed by Robert Pattinson.

REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

Revolutionary Road is a Golden Globe award-winning 2008 British-American drama film directed by Sam Mendes and starring Leonardo Dicaprio and Kate Winslet. The screenplay by Justin Haythe is based ont eh 1961 novel of the same name by Richard Yates. The film opened on December 26, 2008.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

The curious case of Benjamin Button is a 2008 American film, very loosely based on the 1921 short story of the same name written by F. Scott Fitzgerald. The film was directed by David Fincher, written by Eric Roth, and stars Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett. The film was released on December 25, 2008.

The Ties That Binds....

2008 is almost gone and over. There have been so many memories during this year and a lot to be thankful for.

During the early part of the year I had episodes when I felt like I was walking on unsure territory and I could hardly see beyond and what’s in store for me. The middle part, I was struggling and into so many emotions, but I survived.

Definitely the year 2008 brings a lot of fond memories that are surely worthy of remembrance, either me or the world. I may have ups and downs but at the end of the day it is me who decide which side I should be. I have discovered a lot of things from around me.

I made a big transition in the latter part of the year. Lessons learned. Then things happen and flow in random. All I know is that the last quarter of 2008 made such an impact personally and socially.

Significant events transpired. Awards won. Singles and albums have been released making it at the top of the chart not to mention the world. A new black US President paving its way to history with a big promise to the world, change. It’s never-ending. I could spew out every single detail in here but I chose not to.

2009 is in the coming days and I wanted to break out into something new, experience a new major undertakings and a new adventure. Looks like another year, another drama!

Suddenly Everything Has Changed...

In my entire stay in the Kingdom over the years had I remember the opportunity to get to know quite a lot of people, people that eventually become my friends and some of them I lost. It’s either they left the kingdom for good or just wandering around it's four corners waiting to be found. They come, they go. They come, they go. Any new person I meet, a new detail I encounter, a path uncovered becomes sign that seems to affirm that I am being led to a new life that awaits me. A recurring situation which I believed I had become a master of it in no time.

As people come by in our life without us knowing it, there are situations that are quite similar. I could hardly remember how many times I have move from one place to another except for the last one which happened a week ago. A feeling that everything else I was doing was pretty much a been-there-done-that situation. The decision of moving to a new room is always out of my control, although I may have the ability to delay and hold a few more weeks before finally moving out.

Just the idea of moving and the transitions somehow scare the hell out of me. One is being asked to leave one place and go to another. Never mind that the place I am leaving has become boring, transitions can still be daunting to say the least. You have to actually let go of your comfort zone and jump into another and build a new one until you reach the comfy side of it once and again. This last one, I have left behind so many memories that I was weary of bringing along with me. A decision that for the first time I felt like it’s actually right, no matter how exhausting it was. I just had to accept and embrace it and turn away from the things I am familiar with. I have to leave one place and go to another and not to live the exact same old life I was once had.

Situations like these, I feel like I am free again. Scary as it is, I must do it if I were to move forward because it is the path to growth, although the transition may not be that seamless.

Happy Endings....

Life is a journey filled with lessons, hardships, heartaches, joys, celebrations and special moments that will ultimately lead us to our destination, our purpose in life. The road will not always be smooth; in fact, throughout our travels, we will encounter many challenges.

Some of these challenges will test our courage, strengths, weaknesses, and faith. Along the way, we may stumble upon obstacles that will come between the paths that we are destined to take. In order to follow the right path, we must overcome these obstacles. Sometimes these obstacles are really blessings in disguise, only we don't realize that at the time.

Along our journey we will be confronted with many situations, some will be filled with joy, and some will be filled with heartache. How we react to what we are faced with determines what kind of outcome the rest of our journey through life will be like.

When things don't always go our way, we have two choices in dealing with the situations. We can focus on the fact that things didn't go how we had hoped they would and let life pass us by, or two, we can make the best out of the situation and know that these are only temporary setbacks and find the lessons that are to be learned.

Time stops for no one, and if we allow ourselves to focus on the negative we might miss out on some really amazing things that life has to offer. We can't go back to the past, we can only take the lessons that we have learned and the experiences that we have gained from it and move on. It is because of the heartaches, as well as the hardships, that in the end help to make us a stronger person.

The people that we meet on our journey, are people that we are destined to meet. Everybody comes into our lives for some reason or another and we don't always know their purpose until it is too late. They all play some kind of role. Some may stay for a lifetime; others may only stay for a short while.

It is often the people who stay for only a short time that ends up making a lasting impression not only in our lives, but in our hearts as well. Although we may not realize it at the time, they will make a difference and change our lives in a way we never could imagine. To think that one person can have such a profound affect on your life forever is truly a blessing. It is because of these encounters that we learn some of life's best lessons and sometimes we even learn a little bit about ourselves.

People will come and go into our lives quickly, but sometimes we are lucky to meet that one special person that will stay in our hearts forever no matter what. Even though we may not always end up being with that person and they may not always stay in our life for as long as we like, the lessons that we have learned from them and the experiences that we have gained from meeting that person, will stay with us forever.

It's these things that will give us strength to continue on with our journey. We know that we can always look back on those times of our past and know that because of that one individual, we are who we are and we can remember the wonderful moments that we have shared with that person.

Memories are priceless treasures that we can cherish forever in our hearts. They also enables us to continue on with our journey for whatever life has in store for us. Sometimes all it takes is one special person to help us look inside ourselves and find a whole different person that we never knew existed. Our eyes are suddenly opened to a world we never knew existed- a world where time is so precious and moments never seem to last long enough.

Throughout this adventure, people will give you advice and insights on how to live your life but when it all comes down to it, you must always do what you feel is right. Always follow your heart, and most importantly never have any regrets. Don't hold anything back. Say what you want to say, and do what you want to do, because sometimes we don't get a second chance to say or do what we should have the first time around.

It is often said that what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. It all depends on how one defines the word "strong" It can have different meanings to different people. In this sense, "stronger" means looking back at the person you were and comparing it to the person you have become today. It also means looking deep into your soul and realizing that the person you are today couldn't exist if it weren't for the things that have happened in the past or for the people that you have met. Everything that happens in our life happens for a reason and sometimes that means we must face heartaches in order to experience joy.

This article is so nice not to post. It deeply moved me. I had this article for like years at my email archive and I believed its worth reading and sharing.

The search for something more...

After all the delegated routine work done at the office everyday, thoughts came rushing through my head that working as a secretary is a dead-end job and it won’t lead me to anything. This is the kind of job that I have put up with for a long time now. It felt like I’m being stack in one corner forever. True to say that we are all seeking something better and very few of us could say that we are truly contented with every aspect of our lives.

Sometimes I go nuts having to sit keeping my chair warm for long hours doing nothing. Not to mention losing my temper for having to get up bright and early everyday doing the same thing over and over again. But other times it’s like I’m really gung ho and in good spirits working all day long. I wonder why! It doesn’t matter what my boss thinks of me. After all I’m exactly doing my job the way it’s supposed. A little appreciation would do to boost my self worth.

In all honesty, for the many years I have been working as a secretary, learning to love your job is the key. If you look at the bright side, all else will be ok. If it weren’t because of my work right now then things wouldn’t be right for me. Being out of work is something that I wouldn’t dream of. Although sometimes it stressed me out that I couldn’t sleep at night.

You may think that I’m always whining and complaining about my job, which I do. This is actually sort of like my way of liking my job. I have to write it out and be able to balance and come up with what is really good for me. So whatever I have right now I just have to be content and comfortable with it. I have to be happy with my job because our stay in the Kingdom is not really guaranteed, and believing that the happier we are, the more successful we can be.

And every time I think that working as a secretary is a dead-end job. I’m gonna have to think and make a decision not to think that way again. I will keep making that decision until it’s no longer a decision, but a way of life.

Keep the faith....

There are things in life that you didn’t expect to happen. People who surprises you with their gestures; unforeseen forces of nature that you don’t actually understand until you realize that it hit you hard, real hard. Sometimes you asked; what have I done to deserve all this? But most of the times when you think deeply, you realize that all this are a result of every action you may have done in the past and you may have to live with the consequences all along.

What’s confusing is that how people would react which surprises me one way or another.
Perhaps right now, I felt like I have the ability to let people be who they really are. Come out from their cocoon which reveals truth. Some are good ones and some aren’t. Shocking but its true. I have somehow realized that when it comes to whatever I have done, it’s always been big deal when I think it shouldn’t.

If I have the power to let everyone know what I feel, I will. If I have the power to let everyone know what the real story is, I will. But spare me. I have chosen to keep mum except for people whom I believe I could trust.

But let me just take a little sleigh ride down memory lane and tell all of you that the one thing that I have no regret it happens to me in the past, a part of my big past, is what makes me happy and sad. Being in love. I don’t care what I have done or whom I have done it with; I don’t care about whatever demons I may have in my closet. I care about what he makes me feel and he makes me feel strong and safe and calm and warm and true and sad. He makes me feel so many emotions I had no idea I have. The memories are good ones, some of the few that I have.

Right at this very moment, I may have to think that my pasts are nonexistent, my future but a distant fear. Life can be hard and depressing and brutal but I have to live with it. I have to think that this is all in the past. My anger and my hatred, my failure and my shame and my horror and the humiliation, I have to live with. And I pray that all this will be forgotten. Slowly forgotten I must. Life is about change, sometimes it’s painful, sometimes it’s beautiful, but most of the time it’s both.

Right now, the pain is gone.

What keeps me holding right now is my faith. And this time, I have to embrace and accept the idea that faith can make my life better. I know my faith makes my life better, and whether that I believe in exists or not, because I have faith in it, I get the benefits of that faith.

XO,

B

Breakfast at Peggy's.....

THURSDAY. I had a pretty exhausting weekend to say the least. My late-night film viewing has always been at the top of my list which made me waked up a little too late. I was at my ptj for 4hrs, then window shop with chin and abby at citimax for an hour. I spent the rest of my Thursday at pegs little dungeon with Margaret, or, baleleng at humabol pa si dugong around 4am galing daw ng swimming.

There’s nothing so amazing more than spending time with them, it’s like we could hardly even notice how the hours fly by. Our conversation could never end. There’s always something to talk about and laugh about. Baleleng was a revelation. Her stories were inspirational; it had us begging for more and she just keeps going.

Also, I had the chance to watch the bb. Pilipinas ‘08 coronation night. It was ok; we actually had fun watching the ladies strut their stuff especially during the qa segment of the show. Janina SM, this girl is special. She’s obviously the one to watch at MW 08 this November, believe me she will rock MW. LoL. We had breakfast at 5am, which happens to be my first time eating that early, ever. Btw, napuyat lng naman kaming lahat, for a good cause naman (good cause daw oh!). If there are drugs that could obliterate my being puyat, then I would take them. Hehe!

FRIDAY. Baleleng and I went home around 6am, Friday. Slept for 5 hrs then attend my regular class at Comsofil from 1-5pm. So far, I have learned something new again at my PCA & MSA class, I might wanna put it into practice. Somehow, this goes directly at my “to do” list for the holidays.

But, the most interesting part yesterday was listening to Britney’s new single “Womanizer”. I had chills, I promised. I played it many times, over and over again. It has a very catchy tune. Believe me, the world will like it. Wait till jive releases the cd on Dec. 2 the same day as Britney’s birthday. After days of mystery waiting for the single to come out, finally it’s over. Yay! This is gonna be humungous. Watch out!

Around 630pm yesterday, just an hour and a half after my class at comsofil, we went to cheer Elena’s guy S at this basketball tournament. Mark-it (ate ko) was there, who’s actually fresh from Jeddah and also Jun, Poch, Jam & Benj. I actually miss going out with them.

Then it’s time off for me.

Today looks like it’s another day another cycle here gone back tomorrow gone again.


XO,

B


P.S. I was watching ANTM last night and Isis has been eliminated at the show. Her performance gets weaker and weaker each week and the judges had nothing else to do but boot her out.

Eid AlFitr Holiday....

Four more days to go then the Eid Alfitr holidays starts, 29 Sept – 6 Oct to be exact. I have not even plan on what to do with this 7 days. I remember last year, Jam and I spent the holiday in AlKhobar initially, then with a few more friends like Pegs, Alona and Chin. Time fly by really fast, it’s been a year. I could only remember how much fun we had that time. We would spend the whole night roaming around the city, exploring sites like the KF Causeway – Bahrain Bridge, Corniche, and many more picture-ready sites. Sometimes we would just stay in our room the whole night spending our time laughing to our own stories. Expect the worst extreme kwentos you could ever hear of from beauty pageants, to men, sex and a lot more intriguing, controversial and censored stories.

Like what I said, I have no plans just yet on what to do next week, although Pegs is trying to convince me to visit AlKhobar again. He’s actually planning on spending a day in Bahrain and the rest in AlKhobar. Let’s just see what happens. I might accept the invite. But if I were to go anywhere in the Kingdom right now, I’d choose Jeddah. Jeddah would be fun and it’s gonna be my first time if ever. New place, new faces, sounds really fun isn’t it.

This is actually off the topic, but I just want to say that I had fun watching “The Jane Austen Book Club” yesterday. It’s one of the best films I have ever watched. “Definitely, Maybe” made me cry though. I highly recommend you watch the movie then you’d know. Miss J and Chin, whatcha waiting, whatcha waiting forrrrr. Next stop, stardust.

XO,

B

My eyes are glued....

Its TV series season in the US once again. As a fanatic, I have been overly excited watching every single season premiere of my long list of favorites. This month of September, avid followers of the many series airing its premiere episode converge in one place, the cyberspace. Every single one of them errr us go gaga digging the internet looking for the best quality of audio/video of it. It’s like they could never miss a thing, because if they do, then it’s not gonna be as exciting watching each and every single episode of them. Potatoes are better served hot, right?

A lot of other websites where people like us meet somehow. We may never know each other in person, but deep down inside us, we do, we actually have a little something in common.

Week after week, night after night, I have been crazy downloading all my favorite series beginning with;

OTH-S6, my all-time-favorite, then there’s GG-S2, which made Mark-it get hooked with the series already like the millions of other girls out there. Not to forget PB-S4 which up until now keeps my heart pumpin’ by just watching Wentworth do some action scene. What about the newbie 90210-S1? I’m trying to actually like the show; I really hope I would by watching a few more episodes. The characters of the show somehow had potential. So let’s see what happens. But I couldn’t just leave Tyra behind, ANTM kick ass, esp. cycle 11 where Isis, the natural born-male contestant showed some kick-ass couture poses which made the judges liked him even more. U go gurl, the G community is rooting for you! Smallville_S8 definitely had the best season premiere which I had the chance to watch last night.

Every season, TV series gets better and better plots and I couldn't help my eyes but get glued in my computer screen all night, anticipating every single episode every week. I would have to change to a bigger monitor. Bigger is better for my aging eyes. LOL.

Watching them is definitely one of the highlights of my weekend. Hopefully I'd get more seeds the next time I would download the next episode. Then I'd get better!

From Persia to Arabia...

The start of my weekend was pretty exciting. Chin invited me and pegs to be at their company’s sahoor summer outing. I have posted a few pix of the event below, and as you can see we had fun. We got to play volleyball and a little of football. For the first time ever, I have tried smokin’ shisha and it taste good, and finally, we got to show-off who we are for the most part. It’s so funny how they reacted at us.

But the luckiest person that night was Alona, winning 32” lcd sony bravia tv during the raffle segment. Alona’s reaction??? As if she had just won the Miss Universe title by the way she opened her mouth widely like most Miss Universe’s. LOL. Congrats gurly, u seem lucky having kuya Gary in your life. Just keep your relationship on fire, alright! That’s the secret.

Anyway, I have spent my Thursday mostly keeping fresh at chin’s room and working at my ptj that night and head back home. Friday, I did my laundry in the morning and I was at COMSOFIL for my regular class on PCA and MSA afterwards. In the evening, I did some stuff in my room and organize my closet a little.

Other than that, there’s nothing really much to say. Now I’m back to work for another week, and the week after this, then it’s the 1-wk eid vacation everyone had been waiting.

A battleground weekend...

Today is Wednesday and it only mean one thing, its weekend. I'm a weekend kind of person. I love weekends. It's the best time of the week and it's my time of convalescence. I'd like to believe that everyone in the ME is looking forward to it.

So far my weekend has never been the same, it's like there's no more party at ranco, etc. My weekend has always been big, there's always something to look forward to. Right now, its kind of boring knowing that nothing special is going to happen, no party to plan and like what outfit to wear, who's gonna attend the party or anything. These things make it more exciting and it gets me going everytime wednesdays approaches. This time it's a totally different story. No more everything. No nothing. It's like I'm in a completely different world unknown.

If I hadn't had ptj and comsofil for Thursdays and Fridays for the whole 3 months, then I'm gonna tell u to shoot me, pointe blank. Lolz. Nway, my Thursdays and Fridays are mostly for myself now, as well as my ptj for Thursdays and comsofil for Fridays. Sometimes I bond with my p-gurl friends. It's ok to laugh with them after a whole week of work work work. It's a relief really. It gives me a feeling that I belong and that is what makes it even more important.

On the contrary, I would say weekdays are equally worthy. This is the time where I work my butt off, day and night. It's tiring but it's ok. I've been doing this for like forever already. There's no room for complaining. I just have to deal with it and roll with the punches, right??

Nway, these are the highlights of my week so far, good or bad.

Queen B winning big at the VMAs 2008 - Moonmen 1, 2, 3, finally!
The other Queen B and King B's love quarrels - a gurly feeling! Duh!
Missin' RL - having the time of his life at the PI
My boss's erratic behavior - Ramadan Syndrome
A bugger housemate - just be considerate for once?
Siesta galore at my ptj - the mouse will play while the cat is away
Sis D's heart enlargement issue - a 2nd opinion is recommended
Chin broke the good news - congratulations sistah, u deserved it
Finally,
Sistah J, as a juror - What's it like to be one J??

So this is it, my all historic weekend to remember. These changes every week, though!

Have a happy weekend to me!

Another year older, another drama...

It’s my birthday yesterday (aug.30) and I haven’t even greeted myself in here or updated anything in here for that matter. So far this has been one of my happiest birthdays ever. It felt like I’m exalted for so many reasons. There’s no bonggacius celebration like what my friend Rommel had last Thursday night (btw, thanks mhel, the food taste lovely, more than enough to give an orgasmic effect in my mouth..hehe).

My bday celebration (that I wouldn’t even call a celebration) was a total opposite. It was intimate & I had fun. B was there (he rocks my world these days) as well as Pegs and Chin. That’s about it and that’s all that matters to me right now. But hey, it was so so much fun, really!

With that, I wanna thank God for giving me another year of my life. For everything that He has given me for the past year. All the blessings, my family, my friends, my frenemies (meron ba?) & B who completes me.

But it was my tête-à-tête intimate conve with RL last night at 2:30am that wraps up my bday that I would call it a night. We have talked about a lot of things. It was by far the best conversation I had with him. Although it sadden me seeing him last night finally packing up his things ready for his flight to the Philippines today. We were talking like good old friends, no grudges or ill feelings whatsoever between us. I would say that we parted in good faith. My mind and my heart tells me that whenever wherever, we would still be good friends that’s for sure. God knows how much I’m gonna miss him. I will forever love rl no matter what and he knows that.

To all those who greeted me, thank you from the bottom of my “ga-uros-uros- nga- murag- kayu nga gugma” heart.

The question remains.....

The question remains, what is it with love that makes everyone stupid sometimes?

Recently, I have been a witnessed to an affair, a love affair that will supposedly be envied by everyone’s eyes. The relationship seems perfect; a perfect partner with an almost perfect guy you could ever imagine. Perhaps the affair may be a road to hell but it’s pave with good intentions. The willingness, the enthusiasm and the passion is all that I could see in them. Happiness, tranquility, and contentment surround at each others arms with so much grip impossible to take apart. Hearts wide open; ears are almost ready to hear each others predicament. If Teddy Bears could speak, then it will only speak of words soothing to hear; a true witness to the saga of love had gone wild; showing and caressing affection at one another.

But relationships like this end, moments of blissfulness vanished and the happy days are over. True character revealed as black as hell, you never would have thought he possess. He wears a mask underneath revealing but his personal interest.

At this point, my heart is screaming and crying seeing her at her lowest of low. She’s in pain. If you could only see what she has been thru these past few days? I feel for her and shame on him! Wait till it backfires all what you have done that made her feel this way. Then you will realize how hard it is to be in her situation. It was like an open wound, which is still bleeding with no healing in sight.

Right at this very moment, the relationship is on the hang, waiting for answers, and left unsure whether or not she deserved of the treatment. Finding ways and means to relieve and end the agony, the pain that will remain a mark forever in her heart.

It is a dilemma that they will only realize when the right time comes.

It is frightening to see people fall out of love; unable to see what the real problem was.

Right now she is exhausted trying to look for answers to appease her almost exploding heart.

Incidentally, I’d like to share this timely phrase which I had the chance to bump into, in one of my friendster browsing nights, which goes; “Isn’t life so unfair right? You turn out to love someone who could not love u just the same. But still you continue loving because you hope things will end up fine, but it wouldn’t. You cry, you fill bad and you end up broke, you wanna hurt that person, but you hurt more and you’re so much bitter”.

Do I deserve to experience pain in loving him?

Do I deserve to be treated unfairly after all the good things I’ve done for him?

Is he worth fighting for when I knew that he does not value the love I had for him?

Or shall I pretend that nothing happens and insist myself until he realized that I am worthy for him?

Having said all of that, I can conclude that the reason for all this madness? LOVE, this crazy little thing called LOVE.

To sum it all up, I’d say there is HOPE and she must cling on to that hope no matter how small it is. LOVE reigns, afterall.

Bleeding love....

This one's simply dedicated to myself. Just leave me alone!!! Puso ko na ito....chorms...

All of a sudden I missed everyone....

I know that I have been fighting an uphill battle between myself and my blog, but it seem like I couldn’t just leave this blogging thing behind. Notwithstanding the super hectic schedule I have all day of the week, but here I am again trying to update ya’ll about anything interesting that has happened during my absence. With more and more interesting things these time along. I still believe that there is some light at the end of the tunnel, and if this trend keeps up, then I’m gonna be writing and writing and writing for ya’ll once again.

Writing would become much easier for me should there be interesting topic to write about, if there is more to talk about not to mention if I’m in the mood to write.

In the midst of all this however, I would like to point out that I am still here, that I survive the battle. Although sometimes, I have some low moments, and I believe everyone does feel the same way I feel at some point in their lives, not just me. But I always think that I am still fortunate for having lots of friends who listen and whom I could confide with. Many times I felt like people have put me down and talk behind my back, all the time. Like I say, I can live with that and I forgive them. Bottom line is I win. I always think that life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets and full of hatred in their hearts.

Right now, I’m moving on. I’m on the healing process, trying to leave behind all the bad memories, all the chaotic situation I was into, that has apparently become an obvious reason of my absence in the blogosphere for one.

I am trying to act responsibly and capably in taking care of myself. I have realized along the way, that I LOVE ME, a whole bunch.

Anyway, during my absence things somehow changed a bit that I missed a lot of things to write as well. Here are the lists in random order that I was supposed to write about in here that I just couldn’t do it;

Leaving E&Y
Missin’ family back home in the PI
My new job at ANBinvest
My PTJ
Matt’s European Tour
Jam’s return with a bang
Poch’s silent return
Mark’s weekend visit in Riyadh
Elena’s comeback picture – secret mode
Anita’s bday celebration
On again, off again relationship of Mark and Jun
RL’s improved cooking skills
Working overtime
Rey – 5 five years in the making – a long lost friend
Chin’s new guy
Anita’s new guy
A new found friend – The getting to know each other stage
RL’s silent-bday
Enrol a class on PC hardware assembly & MS Access at COMSOFIL
Jaleesa at the World Youth Day ’08 in Sydney meeting the “Green Pope”
Marvin’s eventual return
Britney Spears epic meltdown and role as a mom
Justin Timberlake bares it all at “The love Guru” movie

And finally, the scariest part of it all, although I have anticipatingly waited for this to happen is RL’s exit to the PI…it still scare the emotions out of me, I felt like I’m gonna be alone for the rest of my stay here in the Kingdom….gosssh, my mind is wandering right now!!!Then I refer u to no. 13…harharhar!!!