It had been months since my last update, and all throughout those months, I have wanted to write my thoughts, like really write write every single moment of my life on a personal note. But I felt like these days I was always in a hurry, as if rushing would somehow make my days and nights pass more quickly more than it should have been.
I didn’t have the time to really sit down and reflect to a lot of issues I could have been facing, I was losing track. At that time it’s like that didn’t matter. I used to be a control freak, like everything I do must be planned. All that was somehow gone, and let the spur of the moment took over everything in me.
Honestly, I actually liked it. I realized that sometimes it’s ok to let loose and not be a control freak. I realized that it’s alright to enjoy and have fun, that it’s ok to do a couple of things that I haven’t really done before. I have always been a happy person, and I carried that happiness with me like an aura, sharing it with whoever was near me, although sometimes the emotional side of me balances things up.
It had been a while since I’d really thought about what I was doing was good for me or not at all besides the excitement and the pleasure. It felt right and also very wrong at the same time. I was sure that I’m having fun, blocking the negatives issues that somehow blur my way. I would have thought there was nothing in that to disturb me.
But the one thing I can assure is that my life did not stray to what really is my priority in life. I let them say what they want to say about me, I still think that when I glanced myself in front of the mirror, I could still see the same me from the very core of my being as opposed to some who said that I have changed. It would be much too hard to explain but I know myself more than anyone else, and I know my limitations. I wouldn’t have to explain to anyone why, I know when to say it’s enough, and I know when to protect myself.
I am lucky to have met a few friends who stick by me, whatever happens, and who knows when and how to enjoy life. I felt a rush of thankfulness as I realized that, and to those who think that I have changed and it bothers them big time, I’m sorry you see me that way, this is just me, whether you like it or not.
Time continued to move too fast, during the couple of months a lot has happened and will happen.
Right now, I have been enjoying my one week leave. YAY!
