Can't stop this thing i've started....

Once again I was being predictable today. If my life was a reality show, my audience would have been bored with my daily antics and they might just turn their screens off or maybe change channels. I guess I was just fortunate for not being born a celebrity of some sort or my career would have plummet into deep hollow nowhere to be found.

Well, I had it all plan like I could do whatever I want with my time. Like nobody cares at all. I was in control. Whatever happen I only have myself to blame.

Sometimes having two jobs just gets into my nerves. My main motivation right now has always been what I got to look forward every month-end, if you know what I mean. But other times I succumb to the idea of some friends telling me to just quit. Honestly, a them intervention is not what I needed right now but a good sleep, which is exactly what I did today while listening to this anti-stress music CD I bought months ago and it helps. If I may brag, I kinda look fresh today. Now I’m lol. But I apologize I’m not fond of posting pictures of myself nowadays. You know, bad hair days. Wait till I had my hair done.

As you may know I did not report for work today. As plan, I have done quite a lot of things productive. I have done personal stuff. I visited blogs of my friends which I have not done for weeks and I know some of you maybe mad at me and I’m sorry for that. Just don’t give up on me just yet, my friends. I won’t promise visiting your blogsite everyday because of the busy schedule I have. But I can assure you, I’m not gonna forget to give each of your site a visit if I can.

Nuff said….

On again, Off again...

There is something magical about taking a self-declared sabbatical. I just had to; coz in my case, there’s so much going on and all of it simultaneously. The whole time last week I was feeling quite stressed-out since it seemed that a few things were starting to go wrong for me. The news about my Aunt’s death, a bad news from a friend, I was not happy with work and some personal stuff to deal with. I was not in control on all of them to prevent it from happening. It’s God’s will.

Last Wednesday, I had the house all to myself. My roommates R and W were at work practically trying to impress their bosses, maybe. It is summer here in the ME and I must admit the idea of being alone in this oozing hot country was not a thrilling prospect. What’s it there to complain about since I’ve been leaving in the Kingdom for almost a decade now and I guess by now I got used to the hot weather already?

With all of that happening, I was beginning to entertain worst-case scenarios. As trivial as the inconvenience may seem, I was getting anxious about it. What if I couldn’t rise up to the occasion? How am I going to function? Here I was, trying to make things better with little knowledge on how to and I know this had to happen. With self-pity beginning to well up, I felt myself contracting somewhat. I was beginning to feel that I had enough reason to justify staying under my bed covers and feeling sorry for myself. But I reckoned that my choices actually boiled down to two: be miserable or learn to do something productive for the time being while I’m alone.

I guess life is like that. We all get kicked out of our comfort zones every so often and I might as well not resist it. I could either have a miserable time or I could seize this chance to discover new things, an intimate discovery of myself, the people around me and the place where I live, like my room for instance.

That very day, right there inside our room with all my might, I took pains to sweep and vacuum the floors, wipe the tables, arrange my closet, know what strange uncooked stuff resided inside the freezer and be smart enough to figure out other things to do. I also arranged the beds, threw the garbage in their proper bins, and a whole lot more. And during moments of rest, I learned to stop stiffening and contorting my body. Just then when I got a call from chin, sadly breaking out the bad news to me.

After a few minutes on the phone with chin, a moment of silence, cold and bleak overshadowed in me. It almost reminded me of that day when my sis blurted about Aunt Puring’s passing. I suggested and give chin the best advice I could possibly give and that there is hope for everything.

From there I learned to pay attention to other people’s thought and issues. Friends for me are like family, they have to be constantly cared for if necessary, like our physical bodies that need to be attended regularly.

In many ways, my simple task of taking care of myself, my friends and keeping our room tidy is a noble one. It is no less important than holding up the sky and making sure this humble abode remains comfortable and sturdy for my roommate’s eventual return that very day. All these simple things I did when I was alone amounted to the equivalent of death-defying acts! LOL..

The interconnectedness of things unravels before me and I actually witness its divine mission. From doing household chores to listening to chin’s feeling of pain at that moment. There is a rhythm to it all. Different angles of the scene being showed. It is an exciting and empowering experience to help other people alleviate their pains and learn to prepare for the very next battle I was about to face.

Last Wednesday was no ordinary day for me. I learned a lot of things like plunging into quiet aloneness can be rewarding and worthy of experience. I learned a lot about myself that day, my intimate self; a largely undiscovered territory of me which I never knew existed.

The next thing I know I was rushing up on my way to meeting up with chin.

My Aunt Puring...

For the first time yesterday I have got to hear the biggest shocker of my life ever. It didn’t occur to me at first. I didn’t even know how to react. For a moment there I was speechless. The next thing I know I was crying right outside the elevator of EY. I know I was crying for the pain of it all. I was sobbing like I never did before minding my own business. People who come in and out of the elevator might have notice, wondering what was going on with me.

I commend my sis neng from UK for her insurmountable courage to break out the bad news to me. I know it took her a whole lot of guts to tell me, like she always does for our family. I know how tough it was for her to do that.

Cancer of the breast took my Aunt away from us. The last time I saw her was in 2005. She was ok that time, she must have gone thru all the chemo and stuff, she was happy seeing me for the first time in 4 years. She gave me a big hug and I hug her back. She told me about her being sick along with the pain she has to go through. I never promise my Aunt Puring that I could take care of her, that I could be beside her in every treatment, every chemo and all. She understands that I had to be back to KSA in 3 months time. But the one thing that I promised her was my prayers that she’d be well sooner or later. That she’d be always in my mind no matter what.

The death of my Aunt Puring may have been the biggest shocker for me, but right now right at this very moment my heart tells me that she’s in a very good hands on her final resting place. But being the person that I just am, I couldn’t help but mourn of her death. I mourn for my Aunt Puring’s death in silence. People might have seen me looking ok, but deep inside me I am not ok.

I remember how much love my aunt had for me when I was a little kid. I used to be their baby even if I was already a grown up. I was like a son to them. But I was never a brat at all. My aunt thought me a lot of good things in life which up until today I still care about. She thought me to respect the elders no matter what. She’s a disciplinarian in her own right. She scolded me like her own son on every mistake I made and sometimes as a child I just couldn’t understand why.
Unknown to me then, she teaches us to face life’s challenges head on. “Face it and never run away from your worries.”

My Aunt Puring was a true fighter. I know that she courageously sought every treatment possible to beat the cancer for many years. I remember my Aunt as truly beautiful, fashionable, headstrong, generous and vocal.

To my Auntie Puring,

I may have lost you, but I have thought of a million things I should have said. I believe it’s not too late to tell you how important you are in my life, how much you meant to me, and how sorely you are missed. I don’t know how I am living up to your expectations, but I’m trying to be the strong person you have always taught me to be. I can only honor you by being the person and the Aunt you once were to all of us you have left behind. Life does go on for us here, but we will never forget you.

You have left this world for a better place where there is no more pain, but I know that you will always be with us in spirit. We will continue with our relationship on a whole new plane and, in time, we shall all be together again.

I LOVE YOU AUNTIE PURING, ALWAYS AND FOREVER….

From your newphew,

Bobot