I Believed....

All throughout these years I have never liked politics, and the undecipherable terms or wit of politicians. Even during the Marcos era. It is something I couldn’t take in. There’s this disgruntled feelings and disgust every time I heard or read about politics whether in print or the television. Some of them speak as if they ment what they say, or others are maybe trying hard to be one, trained for years trying to look as convincing as they possibly could.

I must say that sometimes I am impressed at how they stand by at what they say. But most of the time, I felt like giving up and losing hope completely of what they can really do to our country and the sweeping changes we all need.

The rich became richer, and the poor became even poorer. There is a constituency and need for change out there and it is pretty sizeable. Like Secretary Puno said in a newspaper recently, as I quote him, “It pains me a lot when I talked politics in the middle of people’s misery”.

Recently, my take on politics has changed tremendously. When Cory Aquino died a few months ago, I saw how people all came together to show respect. For many years now, all I wanted is to see something as big as what I have seen. It can be done, the convergence of people. It moved me, the way it moved me many years ago when Marcos was ousted and overthrown by Cory Aquino.

We Filipinos have been trying so hard to see the light of day, that one day we will be redeem from the corrupt world of politics, even if it entailed a lot of personal and career setbacks along the way. It has always been a battle between good and evil. This has always been the struggle for us, and this time, I have a feeling that the good will prevail.

For some people who do not believed that we can change, this is the time to believe that we can, and that the good and honest but poor candidate will definitely have the chance to win.
Hopefully, the legacy of Ninoy and Cory will live by thru Noynoy and the Filipino people.

I continue to remind myself that,

I believed.

Where is the love?

You will never get to know a person once you got to talk to him, in-which-ever-way-possible. You discover things unimaginable out of that conversation alone, perfectly registered in the core of my mind. I have had my fair share of being bad, being spiteful to somebody, maybe. Had I become the center of their hateness, had I become the one person they wished if they have the ability to let me vanish, they would, but who knows.

Over and over, I bump into people whom in a short of a time become friends and then gone, or a long time friend for that matter. I remember this guy, he never call new friends friends, only acquaintances. Maybe he has his reasons, whatever it was, I don’t know.

The meanness in us apparently becomes apparent without us knowing it, which sometimes makes us indefinite, implied kind of menace to other people. You showed compassion, you utter words of love, you care, but in a sincere way of saying and doing it. It is so much hard to believe, and you question yourself why. How can one do such a harsh thing without ever thinking? How can one sleep soundly at night, peace and quiet?

I didn’t really understand why people can be very meaningless at times, and like vultures taking advantage of their prey. I always think of it as a senseless impulse as opposed to consciously doing it. If I were that person, no matter how much pain I would have to bear to, I would easily crawl myself out of the relationship if I had to. Trust my word for it. I could hardly stick to something and make the situation even worst than I already expected it to be. And I wouldn't have to explain why I was in such a hurry to leave the relationship. No matter how much I cried myself to sleep over that person. I am just not that forgiving as the others can be?

Until such time, we could never feel relief, a relief that will come from the very core of our being, and then finally say we believe, we believe every words coming out from his mouth, every actions, every hands he’s laid on you, and every hugged he shared with you….still, it doesn’t change anything!

How lucky that I am alone!

We can’t all be saints and martyrs!

Banjo's Bday Bash '09....

@ Fridays in Khobar w/ Friends...

Rommel's Bday Bash '09....

Peg's Bday Bash '09....

Pictures were taken last Sept. 16, at peg's bday bash! 'Twas fun!

The circle of life...

It had been months since my last update, and all throughout those months, I have wanted to write my thoughts, like really write write every single moment of my life on a personal note. But I felt like these days I was always in a hurry, as if rushing would somehow make my days and nights pass more quickly more than it should have been.

I didn’t have the time to really sit down and reflect to a lot of issues I could have been facing, I was losing track. At that time it’s like that didn’t matter. I used to be a control freak, like everything I do must be planned. All that was somehow gone, and let the spur of the moment took over everything in me.

Honestly, I actually liked it. I realized that sometimes it’s ok to let loose and not be a control freak. I realized that it’s alright to enjoy and have fun, that it’s ok to do a couple of things that I haven’t really done before. I have always been a happy person, and I carried that happiness with me like an aura, sharing it with whoever was near me, although sometimes the emotional side of me balances things up.

It had been a while since I’d really thought about what I was doing was good for me or not at all besides the excitement and the pleasure. It felt right and also very wrong at the same time. I was sure that I’m having fun, blocking the negatives issues that somehow blur my way. I would have thought there was nothing in that to disturb me.

But the one thing I can assure is that my life did not stray to what really is my priority in life. I let them say what they want to say about me, I still think that when I glanced myself in front of the mirror, I could still see the same me from the very core of my being as opposed to some who said that I have changed. It would be much too hard to explain but I know myself more than anyone else, and I know my limitations. I wouldn’t have to explain to anyone why, I know when to say it’s enough, and I know when to protect myself.

I am lucky to have met a few friends who stick by me, whatever happens, and who knows when and how to enjoy life. I felt a rush of thankfulness as I realized that, and to those who think that I have changed and it bothers them big time, I’m sorry you see me that way, this is just me, whether you like it or not.

Time continued to move too fast, during the couple of months a lot has happened and will happen.

Right now, I have been enjoying my one week leave. YAY!

My first time in Jeddah...

Its my first time in Jeddah, can't believed it's so much fun! Can't wait to go back soon!

A Look At God on Trial...

God on Trial is a story of a group of Jewish inmates on the verge of extermination trying to make sense of their fate by putting God on Trial.

The movie is very well thought-out, intelligent, and thought provoking, keeping everything in balance which keeps the audience focus on the debate of the characters in the movie. Each were very strong on their argument, whether they are believers or non believers. Brave questions were asked which has never been asked before.

You will never dare to miss every bits and pieces of what they have to say and share, having different views and opinions being delivered with convincing attack. The actors were superb on their performance you can never single out which one stood out.

God on Trial is a kind of movie where you will pause and re-think, no matter how strong your conviction towards faith & beliefs; you will somehow question those beliefs if face with adversity and when felt abandoned by God.

All in all, the movie is excellent, with memorable performances from the actors. Kudos’ to the director and writer.

I Invoke Thee....

I have said this before, and I’m gonna say it again, I have the ability to evoke emotions given a certain situation, and when a simple truth is slapped into their faces, the reactions are intriguing. Why does it have to be me, all the time? Is it because of my being forthcoming? Or maybe everyone is having a bad day, and the timing is off? Or maybe we have suffered a lot in our personal lives and we have had enough of it already?

For sure there is suffering everywhere. This has been so since time immemorial. But don’t put a blame on me. Like what has been said, we are who we are, and we become the person that we are partly because of what we have done in the past. The key here is acceptance, we must accept and embrace life and all its letdowns, because the moment we accept it, then we liberate ourselves from anything. It may take a while to accept it, but in the end, when we accommodate it as part of our existence, we can live with it better until it doesn’t feel like it anymore.

What makes it interesting is that we are definitely humans who not only have limits but imperfections as well. Being the person that I am and who I am is something that I got used to. True to say that my friends should get to used to as well, and they must know me by now. The mere fact that we are here for almost a decade, as friends. As much as we wish to deny it, on this level, we just can’t, we have shared so many ups and so many downs that a simple setback couldn’t come between the friendship that has developed with time, no dividing or separating, no rejecting but accepting of our imperfections.

It maybe easy to say I’m sorry, but if the sorry uttered is sweet and true, and if “sorry” will be the only word to ease the pain then we say it, we say it with all our might knowing that the person who heard it appeased. But, let’s make it sure that this doesn’t have to be a recurring excuse…I mean, say sorry all the time. We just have to be careful not to discuss any sensitive issues anymore – not even in a whisper.

I am 32 years old, and everything that I have been thru is a part of my human experience.

I contemplate.

To end, I’d like to leave you with this. The people whom you will come to love in your life will disappoint you; sometimes they will break your heart. But I can assure you that one day you’ll find yourself falling in love again.

Footprints of the past...

“I can show you the world, shining shimmering splendid.
Tell me princess now when did u last let your heart desires”

These were the lines of a popular song a few years back. Wasn’t it a very nice song, so inspirational and moving? The song reminds me of the old good days of my hometown, enveloped by an overwhelming peace and serenity. At that point it was even tagged, “the hidden paradise of Mindanao”.

Let me introduce you to my hometown called SIOCON. And I would call myself a Sioconian.

All I thought that Siocon the place we Sioconians fondly called a “paradise” will forever be that paradise. The pictures show and speak for itself (I'll post pix of the aftermath soon). Siocon has been stained with intrigues and controversies. It even headline and once top at the ABS-CBN’s news stories.

You might wanna ask. How did it happen? Let me tell you how it happened.

It was eve of May 2, 2002, probably everyone in Siocon were all excited for the Fiesta. Siocon celebrates fiesta in honor of a religious holiday every first Sunday of the month of May. Fiesta is celebrated practically everywhere and every day of the year in the Philippines. Merry making and all, people are busy shopping, as always been the custom. Every household at least prepares something to share with during this occasion.

Young and old had been busy doing their thing like attend mass; attend parties with friends, etc. And so, as the celebration goes on and the socializing begins, everyone seemed happy making sure that fun never sets. Then suddenly, one unexpected moment happen. The sound was like a roaring thunder coming from the sky. To their surprise, it was gunshots, gunshots came out of nowhere. Gunshots that made everyone shocked, not knowing what would happen next! Everyone panicked, not knowing what to do, they were all in shocked! Mixed emotions! For all they know, Siocon was attacked by militants in cold blood.

This was just one of the scenarios that very day; scenarios that will forever linger in the hearts and minds of every Sioconians.

Never in the history of Siocon and its entirety had this thing happen; never in my many years of stay in Siocon.

Gone are the days when the people of Siocon feel safe and secured. Gone are the days when the people of Siocon feel excited, comfortable and relax every time the fiesta is coming. Gone are the happy days celebrating and sharing all the blessings the people had received the whole year round. Those days where changed with fear and apprehensions ,thinking that the militants might once again attack and many lives would be put in danger.

The incident happened. People accepted the fact that what happen was meant to be. But as they say, in every storm there will always be sunshine along the way. It may have been a blessing in disguise that incident because the President of the Philippines, GMA herself came to visit for the first time. It has been a historic turnaround for Siocon. Why? It is because cellphone signal has been activated. Communication is easy now for the Siocon populace. Internet can now be used and a lot more opportunities had been opened. Her visit turned out to be emotional and triumphant so to speak.

No matter what happens, my heart always goes out to Siocon, a place where I belong, the place where I have learned my first ABC’s and all the firsts in my life.

When the time comes that I would decide to go back to Siocon? I would be excited and glad. I would be happy seeing all the great things that had happened during those years when I was away; my family first and foremost; as well as my friends.

So as the saying goes, “Let bygones be bygones”. No matter what situation we may encounter, whether we falter or succeed, we always tend to rise up with high hopes and without doubt be able to face our demon. Always ready and prepared in every battle we would be facing along the way.

Siocon now has moved on, taking all the lessons earnestly hope they learned and leaving behind all the bad memories that will forever be a history.

These pictures show the new Siocon, ready to face any battle, stronger than ever. Ready to forget, accept and let the footprints of the past be blown by the winds of time.

Now, I can say once again that I can show you my world, shining, shimmering and splendid.

Michael Angelo's Bday Bash....