Small fag no more...

They say being an adult is the best part in every human beings life; the perks of being a grown-up. No more parents whose going to tell you what to do. You can fool around anytime you want to. Great sex, nice shoes, great everything. It’s like the whole world is in your hands.

In reality, being an adult has its drawback. Talk about responsibility. Talk about having to work double time to pay the rent, all sorts of bills, etc. etc. And I am not complaining all the time. Life in its true essence, that is. I just had to be brave enough to face it.

The scariest part about responsibility? When you screw and mess it all up.

At certain points in my life particularly when I was younger I have live thinking about nothing but myself. I feel in many ways that life is all fun and I wanna be you young forever. I had my parents to take care of me after all. I know that sounds ridiculous, but to me it sounds right back then.

Today when I think about the time that I kind of wasted, I feel guilty. I should have done something about it earlier. I should have exerted a little effort to straighten my ways. I hate it when I think about those memories and I hate myself for creating them. I was young and scared, so don’t judge me.

There is nothing that will change the past and nothing that will help me forget it. It was what it was and it was what it was because of me. I wish it were different, but there’s nothing I can do. It’s in the past. It is time to let it go and accept it.

Right now I am seeking ways to give myself hope for some form of redemption or anything that might help me.

I am not going to continue to waste my life for being a dumbshit forever.

And so I found help from my experiences along the way. Right after I finished college. I know life for me would be different. And by the time I reached the age of 23 I know that huge responsibility will come my way, which it did.

I became more focus. I became more aware of the things going on in my surrounding. I feel like I am more in control of my life right now.

I know that I have to make decisions for myself. Decisions that is quite difficult to make. But still it’s a decision. Do I or don’t I. Am I going to take or Am I not going to take. It is a decision. Each and every time. A decision. String enough of those decisions and I believe I would be able to set a course and set a standard of living. I just have to be brave enough to face life’s reality and make an effort for everything, a little much of an effort.

Being an adult? Totally overrated. I mean seriously, adulthood is responsibility. Responsibility, it really does sucks. But what’s there to complain about.

Today, I’m not gonna say my life is perfect. It’s not. Definitely not. It’s far from being perfect. I still experience ups and downs, like any other human person out there. But right now, I feel like I am being emancipated. But definitely I could say I am no small fag no more. I take a lot responsibility for myself and for my family head on.

Above all, I had my parents to thank about. Thank you mamang and papang. Thank you for my life. Thank you for my family. My friends. They mean everything to me. Thank you for everything. Thank you. I love you all and I thank you.