"Err in LOVE"

Err in Love
(An Illusion of a Disillusioned)
By: Jamie Nava-Cruz

He was absent from my life for several years now. In the beginning, I did not know why! It seemed like a simple story of two people quietly drifting apart.

For sometime, we tried to ignore what is happening. It hurts because he and I were like peas in a pod. Between us stood almost eight years of shared memories, laughter and tears, gain and loss, triumph and defeat. Almost eight years which both of us cherished, which both of our common friends, colleagues and even our families’ respect. It hurts because suddenly I was on the outside looking in. The old group was there and he was part of it. They were all part of it. I seemed the odd one.

At one time, I declared him as an enemy. It was my own childish way of getting back, getting even! They say the spoken words are mightier than the swords, and it must be because by telling scathing words about him with old-and-new friends, I could possibly manage to succeed in my questionable mission. And yet, later-on, I hung my head in shame. I regretted every hasty word, if I could, I would have taken it all back and pretend the deed had never been done. A lesson well taken: "Never put down anger in words for that lends to perpetuity." Why perpetuate something so utterly useless?

It seemed to me that it is impossible for us to mend our relationship after what has been said and done, especially for me, because I had got two thirds of the pains, which I believe I do not deserve. But it is quite possible too since he is started sending feelers to reach me through the courtesy of our mutual friends.
I am hypocrite if I will not admit that I miss him too especially that my birthday is almost in my doorsteps, besides, the days seem fly past and soon enough I will leave this place for another job opportunities overseas. And how funny I am right now to reminisce the happy and wonderful five years of our relationship. I and Sam are kindred spirits, romantic souls which heretofore could exist only in books.

When the rest of the world is too much with us, Sam and I slip back into a realm known only to us. We withdraw. We flee. And yet, we never feel alone. We are never isolated because we have each other. As bindings go, I believe ours is unique. It roots run deep, clinging mightily to a long history of entwined pasts. This bonding has encountered many storms, a few turbulent enough to destroy it, just like this one we have right now! It has been buffeted and assailed by foreign elements (as I secretly refer to them). Perhaps, these elements will continue to tamper with it. But I am certain, that in due time, it will survive and endure (as it always has).

Around this time, I have the feelings that perhaps Sam will leave our relationship for good. Besides, I have a pride that I will never let him come along. So in contrast to what our mutual friends keep on telling: "That we would eventually settle our differences and make peace."

One particular friend would always repeat: "Kung may babalikan, puwedeng bumalik." I do not know, but I hope it would be easy to return and revisit everything we had once discarded and put aside. As for me, this very now, I know something has changed. And with these changes, I believe, we will be more wiser now and more grown-up. Indeed, life is too short much too short to harbor anger, ill feelings, to withhold forgiveness.

I guess we are still healing. At the back of my mind is the knowledge that friendship, most relationship for that matter, is sometimes awfully fragile. It needs plenty of tender loving care. We must nurture friendship and cherish it. Like Rome, it cannot be built in a day!

For five years, I and Sam have been patiently building, reshaping and improving this rare gift. It is tried and tested. And perhaps, this last round of test we are facing right now seems to be the toughest so far. I am, indeed, hope that we can weather this one and nothing can ever come between us or ruin what we have. I would like to think that what we have is unshakable. For love burns at its core, and there to enhance it are loyalty, honesty and willingness to forgive.

Yes, my _th birthday is almost in my doorsteps, knocking! And I know, there would be another day, and yes, another year! Perhaps, we can start all over again with a clean slate, even just plain friends. And what could be a more fitting time than my natal day to wipe away all hurt and try to heal.

(J. Nava-Cruz is an aspiring writer. The thoughts expressed in this article are of his.)

P.S. Jamie is the immediate-past-president of the Mabuhay Toastmasters Club, where i was once a member and an officer.